Basic Life Rules for Men and Women

Howdy Pardners! Are you perhaps in need of a good humor fix? In search of some funky sex trivia of facts about the opposite sex? Well congrats! You found the Shangri La of Internet jokes, strange facts and weird statistics! All presented to you completely spam free for your enjoyment. You'll never find any pop up or flashy banner ads, and we never use spyware to grab your ISP or track your movements.

And hey, if you're a single man or woman, we have totally free of charge personals to help hook ya up! We hope you get a few laughs from the largest spam free humor archive on the world wide web. Remember, laughing daily can actually extend your life span. Cheers!

Rules for men and women to Understand each other!

MEN'S GUIDE TO FEMALE LANGUAGE

• We need = I want
• It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
• Do what you want = You'll pay for this later
• We need to talk = I need to complain
• Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to
• I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
• You're ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
• You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
• I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! = I've got my period
• Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
• This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house
• I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....
• I need wedding shoes = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white
• Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!
• I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep
• Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive
• How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like
• I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
• Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful
• You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
• Are you listening to me!? = (Too late, you're dead.)
• Yes = No
• No = No
• Maybe = No
• I'm sorry = You'll be sorry
• Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it
• Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.
• I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important
• All we're going to buy is a soap dish = It goes without saying that we're stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few new purses, and those pink sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?

THE WOMEN'S GUIDE TO MALE LANGUAGE

• I'm hungry = I'm hungry
• I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy
• I'm tired = I'm tired
• Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
• Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
• Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
• May I have this dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
• Nice dress! = Nice cleavage!
• You look tense, let me give you a massage. = I'd like to have sex with you
• What's wrong? = I don't see why you are making such a big deal out of this
• What's wrong? = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?
• What's wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question
• I'm bored = Do you want to have sex?
• I love you = Let's have sex now
• I love you, too = Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex now!
• Yes, I like the way you cut your hair = I liked it better before
• Yes, I like the way you cut your hair = $50 and it doesn't look that much different!
• Let's talk = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me
• Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys
• I like that one better (while shopping) = Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home!

TYPES OF BOYFRIENDS

1. Joe Sensitive - "After I wash the dishes, let's cuddle, OK?" Also known as: Mr. Nice Guy, Family man, Honey, Darling, Soft-boiled Egg, Snugglepup

Advantages: Well-behaved; irons own shirts
Disadvantages: Irritatingly compassionate, wimpy

2. Old Man Grumpus - "People are stupid. The world can go to hell. Let's stay home and watch TV." Also known as: Grumbles, Sour puss, Stick-in-the-mud, Old Fogey, Slow Mover, Jerk

Advantages: Stays put; predictable
Disadvantages: Royal pain in the ass

3. Flinchy - "I--I'm sorry for whatever it was I did." Also known as: Trembly, Creampuff, Hey you

Advantages: Jumps entertainingly when startled
Disadvantages: Easily spooked; surrenders without a struggle

4. Bigfoot - "Shut yer trap, I'm thinkin'." Also known as: Chunk-style, Lummox, Ignoramus, Galoot, the Hulk, Big 'n' Dumb

Advantages: Can tote bales; is easily fooled
Disadvantages: Can break you in half, sweats like a pig

5. Lazybones - "Zzzzzz" Also known as: Lucky Dog, Parasite, Bum, Sponge, Snoozebucket, Drug Addict

Advantages: Well rested; easy target
Disadvantages: Unlikely to fulfull your dreams

6. The Sneak - "Who, me?" Also known as: Love Pirate, Snake, Rat, Slime, G-D Son of a Bitch

Advantages: May feel pangs of guilt
Disadvantages: May be having time of his life

7. Ace of Hearts - "After I wash the dishes let's make love like crazed weasels, OK?" Also known as: The Sizzler, Handyman, Dreamboat, Casanova, Monster

Advantages: Perpetually aroused
Disadvantages: Perpetually aroused

8. The Dreamer - "Someday I'm going to be rich and famous. I don't know how, but ..." Also known as: Struggling Artist, Philosopher, Buffoon, Bag of Wind

Advantages: Tells good stories
Disadvantages: Will turn into "Old Man Grumpus"

9. Mr. Right - "While the servants wash the dishes, let's make love like crazed weasels in my new yacht, ok?" Also known as: Mr. Perfect, Jim Dandy

Advantages: Answer to a woman's prayer
Disadvantages: Hunted to extinction

TYPES OF GIRLFRIENDS

1. Ms. Nice Gal - "Tickets to the boxing match? Oh darling, you shouldn't have." Also Known As: What a Girl, Precious, One of the Boys, Doormat.

Advantages: Cheerful, Agreeable, Kindly.
Disadvantages: May wise up someday.

2. Old Yeller - "You spineless good-for-nothing no-talent SOB! Can't you see you're making me miserable?" Also Known As:She-Devil, Sourpuss, The Nag, My Old Lady.

Advantages: Pays attention to you.
Disadvantages: Screeches, Throws frying pans.

3. Sickly - "Oh, my head. My head. My feet. My cramps." Also Known As: Whiner, Mewler, Grumpy.

Advantages: Predictable.
Disadvantages: Contagious.

4. The Boss - "Stand up straight. Put on a different tie. Get a haircut. Change your job. Make some money. Don't give me that look." Also Known As: Whipcracker, Sergeant, Ms. Know-it-All, Ball and Chain.

Advantages: Often right.
Disadvantages: Often right, but so what?

5. Ms. Vaguely Dissatisfied - "I just can't decide. Should I switch my career, goals, home, or hair color?" Also Known As: The Fretter, Worrywart, Typical, Aw C'mon Honey.

Advantages: Easily soothed.
Disadvantages: Even more easily perturbed.

6. Wild Woman - "I've got an idea. Let's get drunk and make love on the front lawn. I done it before. It's fun!" Also Known As: Fast Girl, Freewheeler, Unconscious.

Advantages: More fun than a barrel of monkeys.
Disadvantages: Unreliable; drives off cliffs.

7. Huffy - "I see nothing humorous in those silly cartoons you keep snickering at!" Also Known As: No Fun, Humorless, Cold Fish, Iceberg, Snarly.

Advantages: Your friends will feel sorry for you.
Disadvantages: You will have no friends.

8. Woman from Mars - "I believe this interpretive dance will explain how I feel about our relationship." Also Known As: The Babbler, Spooky Girl, Screwball, Loony, Bad News, Artistic.

Advantages: Entertaining, Unfathomable.
Disadvantages: Will read her poetry aloud.

9. Ms. Dreamgirl - "I am utterly content with you just the way you are, my handsome genius of a boyfriend. I want to make love to you like a crazed weasel." Also Known As: Ms. Right, Goddess, Knockout, Perfection, The One.

Advantages: Funny, Intelligent, Uninhibited.
Disadvantages: Will have nothing to do with you.

---

Every Top Internet dating site can found right here! We've joined the best dating services available so you can read a complete full page review to see if they provide the type of matchmaking service you might desire. All match sites offer various free memberships or trial periods so you can place personal ads with them all to maximize your efforts.

For a quick one page comparison of the top singles sites, check out our compare popular dating sites chart. Should you prefer a quick loading and easy click graphics page with no text descriptions, click here for our quick click dating reference page. You can also access and read in depth reviews of every leading dating site on the all listed dating sites page. Free memberships are available on all match sites!