Man Roast - Stupid Ways Men Act!

• Ahh, it's so, um, so, cute!
• Stop fingering me and do me, already.
• Why don't we just cuddle?
• Wow, and your feet are so big!
• My last boyfriend was four inches bigger.
• Eww, there's an inch worm on your thigh!
• My eight-year-old brother has one just like that.
• Let me go get my tweezers.
• Let me go get my glasses.
• This explains your car.
• All right, a treasure hunt!
• It's like a penis, only smaller.
• Why is God punishing you?
• Let's just stick with your hand.
• But it still works, right?
• I think there's a dildo around here somewhere.
• Let me know when you're done.
• Are you cold?
• Never mind, why bother?

Sensitivity Training Classes for men

This just in! Train your men! Now, at our local Male Behavioral Studies Center for Misguided gentlemen! NOTE: Due to the complexity and difficulty level of their content, each course will accept a maximum of 8 participants.

TOPIC 1
HOW TO FILL UP THE ICE CUBE TRAYS
Step by step, with slide presentation.

TOPIC 2
THE TOILET PAPER ROLL: DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?
Round table discussion..

TOPIC 3
IS IT POSSIBLE TO URINATE USING THE TECHNIQUE OF LIFTING THE SEAT UP AND AVOIDING THE FLOOR/WALLS AND NEARBY BATHTUB?
Group Practice.

TOPIC 4
FUNDAMENTAL DIFFERENCES BETWEEN THE LAUNDRY HAMPER AND THE FLOOR.
Fteen models F Pictures and explanatory graphics.

TOPIC 5
THE AFTER-DINNER DISHES AND SILVERWARE: CAN THEY LEVITATE AND FLY INTO THE KITCHEN SINK?
Examples on Video.

TOPIC 6
LOSS OF IDENTITY: LOSING THE REMOTE OR ALLOWING OTHERS TO USE IT.
Help line support and support groups.

TOPIC 7
LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS, STARTING WITH LOOKING IN THE RIGHT PLACE
INSTEAD OF TURNING THE HOUSE UPSIDE DOWN WHILE SCREAMING.
Open forum.

TOPIC 8 HEALTH WATCH: BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH.
Graphics and audio tape.

TOPIC 9 REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST.
Real life testimonials.

TOPIC 10 IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?
Driving simulation.

TOPIC 11
LEARNING TO LIVE: BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LIVING ALONE OR WITH OTHERS.
Online classes and role playing.

TOPIC 12
HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION.
Relaxation, exercises, meditation and breathing techniques.

TOPIC 13
HOW TO FIGHT CEREBRAL ATROPHY: REMEMBERING BIRTHDAYS, ANNIVERSARIES, OTHER
IMPORTANT DATES AND CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE.
Cerebral shock therapy sessions and full lobotomies offered.

TOPIC 14
CAR KEYS AND OTHER ITEMS:
Practice on developing skills of putting things back where they belong so
that they can be easily found.

Slogans and Mottos a Woman can Live By!

Behind every successful woman is herself

Oh my god, I think I'm becoming the man I wanted to marry!

Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but she did it backwards and in high heels

A woman is like a tea bag...you don't know how strong she is until you put her in hot water

I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career

So many men, so few who can afford me

Coffee, chocolate, men ... some things are just better rich

Don't treat me any differently than you would the queen

I'm out of estrogen and I have a gun

Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it

Of course I don't look busy...I did it right the first time

Do not start with me. You will not win

All stressed out, PMSed, and no one to choke!

I can be one of those bad things that happens to bad people

How can I miss you if you won't go away?

Don't upset me! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies

And last but not least:

If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen!

Snappy female comebacks to Guy's cheesy pick ups lines

• Man:"Haven't we met before?"
  Woman: "Perhaps. I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic."
  
• Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?
  Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."
  
• Man: "Is this seat empty?"
  Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."
  
• Man: "So, wanna go back to my place ?"
  Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"
  
• Man: "Your place or mine?"
  Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."
  
• Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
  Woman: "It's in the phone book.">
  
• Man: "But I don't know your name."
  Woman: "That's in the phone book too."
• Man: "So what do you do for a living?"
  Woman: "I'm a female impersonator."
  
• Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?"
  Woman: "Do not Enter"
  
• Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
  Woman: "Unfertilized !"
  
• Man:"I know how to please a woman."
  Woman: "Then please leave me alone."
  
• Man: "I want to give myself to you."
  Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."
  
• Man:"If I could see you naked, I'd die happy:
  Woman: "Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing".
  
• Man:"Your body is like a temple."
  Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."
  
• Man:"I'd go through anything for you."
  Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account."
  
• Man:"I would go to the end of the world for you.
  Woman: "Yes, but would you stay there?

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