How Women Really Feel About Sex

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Sexuality is a multifaceted, vital part of being human, so why do men typically reduce it to performance, performance, performance? It may surprise you to learn that The Janus Report on Sexual Behavior states that just over one-third of women (36 percent, to be exact) feel that a wide array of sex techniques is a must for maximum bliss. With the advent of Viagra and other performance-enhancing supplements sweeping the nation, you may hold the new world record for time, but it's a fact that an engine needs proper maintenance to keep it functioning proficiently year after year.

So, how do you keep your motor-and hers-purring? Here's five ways to put your sex life back on the fast track.

Gentlemen, start your engines

Testosterone makes men go from zero to maximum speed in 60 seconds or less. Keep in mind that while you may be a Ferrari, your female partner is more like a Bentley. "Estrogen is slower and pickier, and female arousal is much more gradual," says Deborah Blum, author of Sex on the Brain. This extends to foreplay, which for her, isn't what happens 10 minutes before the Main Event. Sultry French film siren Brigitte Bardot once said that sex begins early in the morning and ends when you go to sleep at night, meaning that the way you treat her throughout the day can determine how things will go later in the bedroom. If she sometimes has trouble getting into a higher gear, you can blame it on stress or fatigue, but the real reason might be that you're not warming up the engine properly.

Alternative fuels

"A decline in your sexual health may mean something's wrong with your overall health," says Hank C.K. Wuh, M.D., M.P.H., co-author of Sexual Fitness. Overall, it's the quality of what you put in the tank that makes an engine-or a body-run more efficiently. And there's some encouraging news that the lifestyle program Wuh created might: In a 30-day study of 25 men and women (median age 42), 82 percent said they experienced sexual desire more frequently, 50 percent said their level of desire increased, and 40 percent reported an improved sexual relationship. Wuh's seven strategies in a nutshell: eat a healthy diet that contains "good fat" proteins, like soy products, nuts and avocados; take certain herbs and vitamins, such as vitamin E for added circulation and increased libido; avoid medications that can cause sexual dysfunction; stimulate your senses; exercise regularly; get enough sleep; and, most important, learn healthy ways to manage stress.

Jump-start your heart

Not only will exercising 30 minutes a day make you look and feel sexier, it will also increase your stamina and level of control, according to Terry Mason, chief urologist at Chicago's Mercy Hospital. "An enhanced body as a result of exercise provides visual stimulation. Everybody wants somebody who visually turns them on," Mason explains. "Secondly, cardiovascular exercise increases endurance, and that can be a paramount issue in being able to have the level of intensity that the couple would like to have." In addition, an October 2004 article in the Electronic Journal of Human Sexuality concluded that individuals who exercise regularly feel better about themselves, perceive they are more sexually desirable and experience greater levels of satisfaction.

Schedule regular maintenance

While most guys know the maintenance schedule for their cars, few know how often they should visit the doctor for regular tune-ups. Even fewer want to go in for a check-up when a warning light starts to flash. In 1999, the Journal of American Medical Association surveyed 500 men of 25 years of age or older, which showed that 70 percent felt their doctor would dismiss any concerns about sexual problems. In fact, the opposite is the case. Most health care providers want men to learn and practice self-examination, discuss any problems and schedule regular visits for early detection of testicular or prostate cancers. And, to a woman, a willingness to talk about and face your sexual problems head on only makes you more of a man. Plus, like a well-maintained vehicle, we'd like to keep you around for those leisurely Sunday afternoon drives (and occasionally smoke your tires) for many years to come.

Dangerous curves ahead

A 2002 survey by the University of Chicago, published in the Journal of the American Medical Association, asserts that, in all age groups, one in four American women does not enjoy sex, and one in three men across age groups thinks he is sexually inadequate. All the rest feel unhappy and dissatisfied because they think they are not doing it right, not doing it enough or not doing it the way their partners want them to. Why so much angst? First of all, stop using the overtly sex-saturated media as your standard user's manual, in which everything is reduced to simple mechanics and impossible standards. Ultimately, a healthy and satisfying sex life is more about quality than quantity; it's the vitality of the relationship, personal preferences, creativity and the depths of real passion we explore with our partner that makes the biggest difference at the finish line.

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